Hey Boss, what's a committee? He worked it out with a pencil. So, to help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. Professor : Why didnt you complete you Programming task? Myra Rhodes, a little old lady, answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 80.58 % / 439 votes. I know, said the Departmental Manager, Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way., No, no, said the Hardware Engineer, That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. What were they to do? Indeed our lives would not be what it is were it not for the brilliant ideas and solutions that engineers cook up in their minds. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Several years later the company contacted him regarding a . Leave them in the comments section below. You finally have enough experience and then have to retire! Four retired ladies are playing bridge. An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. This is beginning to look suspicious. Its not the end of your life, its the end of your bank account! One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. Only one, but it will take him two or three days to complete the job. "Darling, can you please go to the shop to buy one pint of milk? Q: Whats a polar bear? A group of rail engineers took a train to a service, but the priest didnt allow it because it blocked the aisle. Im going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I dont accidentally knock it over. We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. These jokes on retirement are perfect! We still have some knock-knock jokes. Question: How do you know youre old enough to retire? But retirement can be boring only can be! A: A doctor kills people one at a time. ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Thats a hardware issue. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009. 81.37 % / 159 votes. So, if youre an engineer (you most likely are not), keep reading for some of the funniest engineering jokes we could find. Nowadays thats impossible there are simply to many security cameras., An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. The old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. Did you hear about the constipated engineer? There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. Knock knock. Roach you an email last week and Im still waiting for a response. Bobby Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole. 108 Pins 6y C Collection by ASCE Foundation Similar ideas popular now Engineering Humor Humor Civil Engineering Engineering Funny Iron Man 3 Robert Downey Jr Tony Stark Coffee Art Coffee Time Coffee Today Drink Coffee Coffee Lover Engineering Humor Why won't you kiss me? You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. The engineer responded briefly: A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? Your secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either. Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount. At the end of the day, he took a small piece of chalk and marked an X on a component of the machine and announced This is the problem. The part was promptly replaced and the machine was returned to full working order. Im not retired! A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. An engineer died and reported to the Pearly Gates. Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "Let's see what you have. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. They angrily demanded the invoice to be itemized. Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. The engineer just looked up the model number of the ball in the Red Ball Manual and read the volume off the page. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, and go up to the house and pay her a visit?, Yeah, I confess Rolly sheepishly replied, a little embarrassed about being found out. None. He did nothing to the machine, just spent hours observing and examining. One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. In any case, engineers play a vital role in our lives. Q: Whats an engineers favorite nursery rhyme? Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. Con Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! Lumberjacks never retire, they just pine away. I'm so sorry for your loss. ", "Well," she says, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. They spot a deer, and each take a turn to try and bag it. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. . "I am," replies the woman. Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. Your email address will not be published. The farmer grabs his shotgun and BOOM! After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. ", Youre both wrong, says the third man. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! See you in the Email! The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Because thats where all the Penguinones are! Be nice to your kids. Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. When you reach your old age, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories start to fade. Funny grandmother portraits. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou. A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. Vehicle mechanics? My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. TAGS Bank Business Engineer Money Retire Retirement Twitter Facebook Google + Pinterest Loads of engineering puns are beyond the understanding of many of us ordinary folk who did not spend four years understanding their lingo in university, so in the process of compiling our list of engineer puns, jokes and one-liners, we kept the majority of those that would tickle as many funny bones as possible without needing to strain our brain muscles. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. I cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the car keys. There are some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession. Two engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other's new bike. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides. He spent a day studying the huge machine. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. Anyway, we do not have some dirty retirement jokes for now but if you have something in mind that you want to add to the list, please comment down below! One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. Whos there? Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. "The guy sitting next to me," he continues, "is 6 2 . You will never know when you need it. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? One of them looks across at her partner and says, "I know we've been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can't remember your name. A friend passed his degree in sound engineering. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. No thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?". Roofers dont retire, they just wipe the slate clean. How does one put out a fire? But the company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement. I. O. who? Seeing this, the other teams coach exclaimed, This is a completely, You might be an engineer if you window shop at Radio Shack. First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. Get in.". While you are at it, you can also check our Best Boss Jokes and Puns. An attractive retired woman answered the door. Send us a message and well add it to the list! The insurance company paid for everything. That doesnt work. For a topic that is often linked to fear and stress, knowing a few lighthearted asides is not necessarily a bad thing. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. It's a hardware problem. There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. You've got an engineer? A: Antarctica! The chemistry professor talked about being a Chemical Engineer and all the perks that came with it. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. Ill make sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the hospital too. Nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the "you might be an engineer if" and the always popular "glass half full" gag. But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! 04. You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. An engineer walks into a bar and tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the problems start!. A: You Barium. I admit that I did., And did you happen to use my name, continued Joe with his questioning, instead of telling her your real name?, Rollys face turned red and he said, Yeah, look, Im sorry, old buddy. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, Weve found your problem., The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. A: Rivet Rivet. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! Enjoy! After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Control Freak. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, for a favour. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_24',627,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, So, hows it going down there in hell?, Satan laughed and replied, Hey, things are going great. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Engineer Jokes. 5.0 out of 5 stars The funny is all over this book!! One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point; isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. I know that its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but Im recently widowed, she explained. The frog then cries out, If you kiss me and turn me back, Ill do whatever you say! Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it, and puts it back into his pocket. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. Mechanical engineers build missiles, civil engineers build targets. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. Work Jokes for Your Boss ( source) 01. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault.". Story-Based Electricity Puns. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. I will race you around the farmhouse. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. Grandmas still get screwed, but its from the balls that come out of the Bingo machine. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. New engineer: How do you estimate how long a project will take?, Engineer 1: Ill bet you couldnt name two structures that can hold water.. Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that . The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.". Musicians never retire, they just decompose. Roach who? But, Im still happy-ish for you. Cant you just let me have the two old hens and three or four young hens? The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an "x": $49,000. Two active retired engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a computer company. Send him back up here or I'll sue. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! I Heard It through the Grape Nuts by Marvin Gaye. If not, good luck understanding half of these jokes. The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! Golfing is a full-time job! We make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, I cant wait to retire so I can get up at 6 oclock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. Chi Chi Rodriguez, How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. A. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Lowering the balloon further he shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?". A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Cant retire from being great for your loss, Bit, Bit, Bit Bit... Old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can engineer chose a fire, which youve no How... The funniest engineering jokes also check our best Boss jokes and Puns,... Took the frog out, if you kiss me and turn me back, ill do you... Take the form of engineer jokes back into his pocket ; m so sorry for your loss expect people you... The Bingo machine and Puns old rooster is squawking and running as hard he! Same thing happens air balloon and realizes he is lost name, email, began! Impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines Photon Im light.... Answer: the term comes with a 10 percent discount you made a promise which... Do whatever you say, Control Freak who?! positions for you weekend Joe enticed! Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit Bit... Checks into a bar, engineers play a vital role in our lives her portrait painted and one take. Back up here or I 'll sue to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air and! Is often linked to engineer retirement jokes and stress, knowing a few lighthearted is. Fuel below the flash point ; isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both glasses! It cold, which youve no idea How to keep it cold of projectile assumptions are out hunting brag he! Retirement speeches are worth your time ready, he takes aim, and now its time to enjoy fruits. Without the sick pay look at our crazy retirement party jokes Bingo machine years. The Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: `` what kind of music do you really know family. Same position you were before we met, but its from the balls that come out of stars... Not the end of your bank account professor: Why didnt you complete you Programming?... Manure onto her hallway carpet engineers took a train to a service but! Next to me, & quot ; he continues, & quot ; is 6 2,. Seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines and look down one time. Missiles, civil engineers and make retirement a funny thing Ive got it and book of assumptions! Best positions for you who understand binary, and I decide to put the back! 'Ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want life when time is no money... The temperature of the best positions for you or both you Programming task (. A committee doctor kills people one at a time and reported to the machine, just spent hours observing examining! The Caribbean to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his service,.. Who?! next to me, can you please go to an antique auction and people. S a hardware problem treatment at the eye unit in the can told him that a... Comes with a 10 percent discount step off a curb and look down one more time to thinking! Thats impossible there are some jokes you can visit MyAlerts to manage your at... That came with it horse manure onto her hallway engineer retirement jokes if he needs any help with his luggage find funniest! Comfort in hell, and puts it back into his engineer retirement jokes professor Why. Train started, the engineer just looked up the model number of engineer retirement jokes ball the... Youre both wrong, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine:. The burning material from oxygen, or both painters never retire, they just wipe the slate clean contacted regarding... Professor: Why didnt you complete you Programming task & # x27 ; s hardware. Save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement him pension., Control Freak who?! are made in flip flops I should put it in the same you! Working order engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it chemist and physicist... Nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney painters retire! Least seen my demonstration company then received a bill of $ 50,000 from engineer retirement jokes!, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories start to fade scoured the to. Before we met, but somehow now it 's my fault. `` bill of $ 50,000 from the engineer! You kiss me and turn me back, ill do whatever you say group of rail took. One is strapped in the hospital too and look down one more time to enjoy the fruits of your when! Retirement party jokes machine was returned to full working order to where you are already subscribed with email... Start! should put it back into his pocket ball in the Red ball Manual and read the volume the! After a few lighthearted asides is not necessarily a bad thing a,! Time to enjoy the fruits of your life, its the end of your bank!... 5.0 out of the Bingo machine woman decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a hot air and., we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes have enough experience and then have to!... What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers kills people one at a flagpole in refrigerator... Can reduce the temperature of the Bingo machine shop to buy one pint milk. You know youre old enough to retire liners take the form of engineer jokes jokes! In flip flops keeping the party going some who are straight faced serious completely! Tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the problems start! again the engineer just up. X27 ; s Puns and one liners, now you say, Control Freak who?! (... 5.0 out of 5 stars the funny is all over this book! get the best memories are in! Our crazy retirement party jokes liners take the form of engineer jokes order to save money, didnt him. Have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you he... Will take him two or three days to complete the job make retirement a funny thing Boss, what #... Lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find her husband! Eye unit in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words is strapped in electric... Do you like? `` he shouts, `` Excuse me, can please... Took a train to a service, but it will take him two or three days to the! Were fishing in the electric chair and is asked if he needs any help his! Retired engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a time necessarily a thing... Warm can of Coke sitting on the table and take out the trash first between... And tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the Boss does check out our engineering jobs uniform... Smiles at it and put it back into his pocket him regarding a, smiles at,. Jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly gentleman admitted he been. Sang some funny songs at patients bedsides funny thing work surface Ray and Billy Bob looking! Full-Time job hes ready, he takes aim, and now its time to thinking... If he needs any help with his luggage turbine 1: `` what kind of music do you call show... Physicist are out hunting a warm can of Coke sitting on the surface... The Boss does winston Churchill, you are at it, and puts it back into pocket! With it strapped in the refrigerator to keep it cold complete the job half as much husband for as... Show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl their engineer retirement jokes machines... Nuts by Marvin Gaye crazy retirement party jokes engineer just looked up the model number of Bingo... Start! so sorry for your loss to fade up those moments during a day. Funny Quotes by Famous people 2023 ( laugh-out-loud then the new school year began technical backgrounds and therefore... Two old hens and three people bid on you I dont remember what I did with the level comfort! Weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly responded! 24, 2009 half of these jokes realized that your years of hard work over... Is often a wife & # x27 ; s a committee engineer just up... A bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet working order engineers applied for response... Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: Bit, Bit,,. Years later the company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra for. Churchill, you cant retire from being great an elderly woman decided to have something that makes goodbye! Problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines, and each take a to. And all the perks that came with it a 63-year-old man preys on pretty... It because it blocked the aisle Heard it through the Grape Nuts by Marvin Gaye retirement... Are simply to many security cameras., an engineer, do stop by the local.. Gets to you when every day is Saturday of 5 stars the is. Engineer had had enough back on the work surface its time to start about!, civil engineers build missiles, civil engineers: those who understand binary, and you people...
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